Who gets to be the bad guy??????

So every six months or so, my dear wife, whom I love more than life it self, decides she wants to take the kids to PetSmart and show off the pets. This latest bout of pet envy was brought on by Austin finding a turtle in the middle of the road and showing it off to all the other kids who live in my house. I heard about how cute this reptile was and how much fun it would be to own a pet. Lindsay looked up on the internet how much trouble a turtle would be and she decided to make stew. Just kidding, we don't live in New Orleans any more. The today all I heard about was going to PetSmart to look at pets. Just look right? Right!!!!!!
I try to deflect the invitation. I bring up how heavy it is raining and there is a flash flood warning outside. A warning is worse than a watch you know. Well nothing worked. I also knew that I would have to be the voice of reason in this debate. So I went, and I did in fact have to be the voice of reason, much to my chagrin. All my kids think I hate animals. I don't really hate them, it's just that I don't want one living in my house and peeing everywhere. They are dirty, stinky, and their hair gets everywhere. So I had to tell all four of my talking children and my wife, who were standing in cat vomit on the floor of the cat cage, that we were not getting a cat or a dog or a lizard or a chilupa or any other animal. We were just there to look. Much like a zoo. So how did I get the kids to love me again. I took them to a frozen custard place and bought them whatever they wanted of course. AHHH the life of a father.